Sexual Consent
Understanding Sexual Consent
Sexual and Romantic Relationships come in all shapes and sizes they are built on a base of respect, clear boundaries, and consent. Asking for and giving consent is one way we can maintain healthy relationships and make sure everyone is feeling safe, comfortable, and respected.
What is Sexual Consent?
Sexual consent in an ongoing freely given agreement between two (or more) people who are engaging in sexual activity together. Before being sexual with someone, you need to know if they want to be sexual with you too. It’s important to be honest with your partner (or partners) about what you want and don’t want.
Can I change my mind?
Yes, you can change your mind at any time. You can withdraw your consent at any point if you feel uncomfortable or no longer comfortable with the activity. Withdrawing consent can be or difficult to do verbally so make sure your partner (or partners) knows (know) what your non – verbal ques are. The best way to ensure that all parties are comfortable in the activities is to talk about it and to check in to make sure they still consent before becoming taking part in the sexual activities.
No-one is forced, pressured, or manipulated into any kind of sexual conduct.
You and your partner (or partners) are excited, all parties are happy to engage in sexual conduct.
Everyone agrees on sexual choices including safe sex practices e.g using condoms and other contraception.
Consent is given for every act you are doing for example consent to kissing does not mean the someone also consents to touching at the same time.
Anyone can change their mind, stop at any moment, or choose not to engage any further.
Everyone is fully conscious and aware, no parties are asleep, drowsy, or unable to make give consent.
What if I don’t have control?
Not everyone can give sexual consent, even if they want to. This is because there must be equal levels of power and control between all parties involved. It can be hard to say “no” to sex if there’s unequal power in the relationship.
No one person should be making the decisions or forcing another person to engage in sexual acts. We should not feel influenced regardless of the age, relationship to the other person or our ability to fully understand what someone is asking of us.
Ways to ask for Consent
Consent is easy, you just ask, and the other person can choose to agree or not. Like all agreements we must always pay attention to people’s boy language and tone of voice. For example, if someone’s facial expressions, body language or tone of voice don’t match their answer then you do not have consent.
Remember, if a person doesn’t give consent, then you can’t force or pressure them to change their mind. This means that everyone feels safe and respected.
Examples of Giving Consent and Not Giving Consent
Asking for Consent
“Can I kiss you?”
“Would you like me to touch you there?”
“How do you like to touch me?”
Giving Consent
“I really like that; can you keep doing it?”
“Yes. That sounds like a nice idea.”
“Feel free to touch me here.”
Consent is always
F reely given
R eversible
I nformed
E nthusiastic
S pecific
Not Giving Consent Verbally
“No, I don’t want to.”
“That’s sweet but I rather not.”
“That doesn’t feel good anymore, let’s try something else.”
Not Giving Consent is Also
Body language says otherwise e.g Arms crossed and turning your face away after saying yes.
The person is drowsy and agrees.
Agreeing after being pressured to continue.
Freely Given: Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Reversable: Anyone can change their mind about what they feel is appropriate for them when it comes to sexual activities, at anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed, you always have the right to withdraw your consent if it doesn’t feel right.
Informed: You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom, and you agree to have sex with them with a condom and then they tell you they don’t like condoms and prefer not to use one, this is not consent.
Enthusiastic: When it comes to sex, you should only participate in activities you CONSENT to, not to practices that you feel you are expected to participate in.
Specific: Saying yes to one activity (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having sex).
